18 was the year I became an adult, the year I finally did not need my parents to provide consent on things. Since I had no plans of either purchasing cigarettes or pornography magazines, I decided to get a second hole in my ear. It was something I had kind of wanted to do for a while and since I didn't need my parents consent or authorization, I went ahead and did it. My dad flipped out a month later when he finally noticed my ears were double pierced. He forced me to take out the earrings (although by then, the holes were already permanent). 21 was the year I could finally drink alcohol. I was never really a drinker (still am not). To do something that I could not do at 20, I went to Dave & Busters after hours and received a complimentary birthday lemon drop drink. Tasty.
22,23,24 were so so years. I moved to San Francisco, was called a baby a few times. I figured 22-24 are when you fall into the "young & stupid" category. I never really felt like I did anything particularly "stupid" except for maybe be a little forward w/a guy that I had a developed a crush on (and when I say forward, I mean trying to drop a few obvious hints). I figured "whatever" since he was leaving. Okay at the time, I wasn't really thinking "whatever", more like I was thinking since I'd never even been flirtatious or impulsive, I might as well drop a few hints, take a chance that I would not normally take, especially since they were leaving...carpe diem right? In hindsight, I realize that line of thinking constitutes as " young and stupid". Perhaps the current line of thinking "whatever" constitutes a step past "young and stupid".
25,26,27 were good years. I was no longer naive. I had some experience under my belt. I could roll with the "big dogs" but was still young and cool enough for the "young and stupid" crowd. Needless to say, I don't think being in a long term serious relationship or a Ph.D program really qualifies under either.
So 28 will go down as the year I first began dreading birthdays. First of all 7 just looks better than 8. 7 is a slim and sleek looking number while 8 just looks round and loopy. I admit it was actually pretty hard watching the 7 turn into an 8. 28 is the year you enter your late 20's. For me, the hardest part is just accepting that I'm not where I wanted to be. I guess I had always envisioned certain things for myself at 28 and its hard to be reminded of everything you had hoped for, and see that it hasn't quite happened yet, and also face the possibility that it may never happen. I wrestled with God for quite a while on the day before my birthday. What was supposed to be a dissertation writing session ended up being a long walk around all of Pasadena. I think I just needed to figure out how to let go of all the disappointments I had tried to just bury and forget. I had made amends, forgiven, asked for forgiveness, but I think I just needed to make peace with myself, let go of the junk, and take those next steps forward.
As hard as it was to turn 28, I'll have to say my 28th birthday was probably one of the best. God has been so good to me. He has showered me with so many wonderful girlfriends and sisters in Christ. I needed them these last few months and they were there for me. Like the weeks I struggled so hard with making a decision about a 2.5 year relationship. I know it took courage but I don't think I would've been able to make my decision had it not been for all their prayer and support. There was also the morning after when I could barely see straight and CHa came over to make me lunch and keep me company through that first day of change and then the weeks ahead when all the rest helped me ease into the transition and realize how full my life was.
Thanks LBD entourage for all your love and support and for always showing me a good time when I need it. Thanks T for treating me to the best french onion soup and for your kind heart and always reminding me of how much I really have to offer. Thanks J & M for your many years of friendship and staying just as you both are. Thanks BFF for the Tim Keller sermons and books and also for the weekly long-distance prayers and honest conversations that go from serious to hilarious all within the same hour. Thanks CHa for taking me to Santa Monica Beach during the last 45 minutes of my 28th birthday and praying over me as I move forward through another year and for always being there to cry and laugh with me. Thanks Jesus for my family and friends...and for loving me just as I am whether I'm young & stupid or old & seasoned.
